HEARD OF R.I.T.? RELATIONSHIP INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
REPORT ON A SPECIAL SEMINAR IN BALTIMORE
As a mother who is concerned about the issues affecting today's youth, I was excited to attend the Relationship Intelligence Training seminar in Baltimore. This seminar was for people who wanted to learn RIT material so we could pass it on to our own communities, and it covered many relevant issues, from romantic relationships to issues such as drug use and pornography.
The training began on Friday and went through Sunday. There was so much content to go over that we met from 8:30 a.m. until 5 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, and 8:30 a.m. until 2 p.m. on Sunday. Dr. Richard Panzer presented the curriculum, and as he shared it, his heartfelt concern for the youth of today showed through. Dr. Panzer gave us trainees incredible materials for us to use to impact the teenagers in our own communities.
The whole curriculum is profound, but I will highlight some parts of the curriculum that stuck out for me. First of all, I was amazed that Dr. Panzer went far beyond the scope of dealing with AIDS and STDs. Rather than only discussing these diseases (although this was good information to hear), he went much deeper into the issues and discussed the aspects of what it takes to develop healthy relationships. He explained that relationships take time and commitment, and are not to be rushed. One particularly profound slide illustrated the differences between immature and mature love, something that most teenagers don't really understand. I found this slide quite inspiring, because I had not expected this content to be included in the curriculum. Dr. Panzer dwelled on this topic of love for quite a while.
Dr. Panzer gave us some background information about RIT. He told us that in 1989, he started developing materials because he felt that what was being taught in the schools was a disservice to youths. He initially called his program "Free Teens," and it was an AIDS prevention program. The schools liked the program because it talked about love. In the last two or three years, he added content about drugs, alcohol and bullying. The goal of the program is to build a community of good relationships—between parents and youths, and also among youths themselves. One remarkable thing I learned was that when this material was presented to high school students, the high school students said that this should be taught in middle schools!
Another point that stuck out for me was Dr. Panzer's pointing out that there is good news as well as bad news about today's young men. He said that young men are in a process of growth, and the honest truth is that when a young man is in a relationship with a young woman, he may be more interested in her body than anything else. However, if a young woman is aware of this, and clear about her boundaries, she can control the relationship.
Another point Dr. Panzer made was that high-risk behaviors are interconnected. The emotional risk for having sex are higher for girls than for boys. The question is, if having sex is supposed to make people happy, why are the girls more depressed? Studies previously thought the girls were depressed post-sex due to hormonal changes. Now the studies are showing that the risk behaviors precede depression. Dr. Panzer emphasized that the kids need risk-avoidance education, since the kids are still immature at this age.
Dr. Panzer talked about Albert Bandura's social learning theory, which says that we can be active agents of our own change. Continuing with this idea, he talked about the media, saying the media are in the business of selling—and that today they are in the business of selling sex. Because of this, we need to directly challenge what the media are saying. We need to create our own media.
Another great point of the seminar was the idea that we need to raise the bar for our youth! Due to the media, today's youth get mixed and confusing messages. Dr. Panzer talked about the importance of rules, and letting youths know that the rules are put in place because of our love for them. He said that we must set up a tradition and a standard for youths in dating. An important point he made was that people (young and old alike) can sustain emotional damage from unhealthy relationships that carries over into their next relationship. Instead of trying to get something from someone else who is also immature, teens can try to figure out who they are, which will be developing true freedom.
Dr. Panzer also discussed research about how the brain is still developing until the age of 25, so that if young people get involved in addictions such as sex, drugs, drinking, and pornography they create an imprint in the brain and the addictions can be very hard to control.
Maybe RIT's most significant point for youths is the importance of setting goals. Part of the RIT curriculum is a workbook for students, and one of the exercises is having the students write down five goals they would like to achieve. Then they discuss what would happen to those goals if someone became a teen mommy or teen daddy? Or if someone got AIDS? Linda Haft is teaching Relationship Intelligence in schools, and she said that the student workbook activities are very important, and that it is important to discuss with the kids what is being taught, not to just give the content and leave.
Although I have highlighted the best points of the seminar, there is so much more great content in Relationship Intelligence Training. I am so grateful to have attended this, and I really hope that we can get this material out there, not only in our schools, but also in churches, and anywhere else we can!