Jutta’s Heart Wall: It’s Never Too Late to Tend to our Hearts
“I can assure you that these experiences are truly the most precious, for they will guide you to feel God's grace. When you go through [difficulties in your] course, you will be able to stand more firmly and be a more mature person. Your
character and your spirituality will become well-rounded.”
— Dr. Hak Ja Han, May 3, 1977
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are” — Carl Jung
Editor’s Note: This article contains material related to childhood trauma and abuse, which may be upsetting for sensitive readers. Reader discretion is advised.
Disclaimer: Not all links and holistic beliefs/ practices mentioned below are affiliated and/or endorsed by WFWP USA.
In order to share my story, I have to explain a little bit about my search for a deeper purpose and meaning in my life. I became very fascinated with the teachings of Carl Jung regarding the subconscious mind and the trauma research by Dr. Gabor Maté.
For many years I had a dream of sitting in a glasshouse. I was inside this structure surrounded by glass walls. I could look out to watch people in their comings and goings, and hear their busy steps.
My life situation was similar. I always felt distant from people. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them, I just felt an invisible wall between myself and others, including my own family. I convinced myself that I was just a loner and accepted this as my life. I didn’t trust people easily and always felt like an outsider. I had a very good childhood friend when I was 5 years old until I was about 12, but after our family moved away, I wasn’t able to make friendships easily.
Then, through our West Region’s WFWP sponsored monthly series, “Self-Care is Not Selfish,” I learned about the Fearless Living program with Charlotte Gray. She started to coach me in letting go of negative concepts, beliefs and wrong expectations. At one point she suggested that I contact life coach, and HerTribe host, Myrna Lapres, to have an Emotion Code Reading.
I had studied a little bit about the holistic practice called Emotion Code before but never got to experience the depth of it. It is a form of energy reading by questioning the subconscious mind through muscle testing. The founder, Dr. Bradley Nelson, discovered that the body (corresponding to the subconscious mind where all our life experiences, thoughts, emotions and even those of our ancestors are stored) is like a computer which answers yes and no questions through muscle testing.
During my sessions with Myrna it was revealed that I had a heart wall containing trapped emotions of love and effort unreceived, humiliation, sorrow and sadness. Through these sessions I began to remember things I had pushed away to the recesses of my subconscious mind. I remembered for example, and this was confirmed by my younger sister and my good friend, that my older brother had molested and bullied me, even hitting me in the face.
It was not until I heard Dr. Nelson tell the story of the “HappyPeppy” boy– who took on the guilt and sorrow of his older sister and the loss of his little friend– that I was reminded of an experience I had when I was 7 years old.
We lived in East Germany at that time. It was the 1950’s. We lived in an apartment that had running water and a stove in the kitchen. No washing machine in sight yet. My mother and another woman were boiling laundry on the stove, and it was time to pour the laundry into a metal tub on the floor. At this point my little brother, who was only a year and a half, came running into the kitchen. In a blur, he falls backwards into the boiling laundry. He starts screaming, and my mother is freaking out. She grabs the boy; his whole back is scalded by the hot water.
I don’t remember how they got him to the hospital (we didn’t have a car at that time and my dad was at work). My younger brother spent several weeks in the hospital for skin transplants and blood transfusions from my parents. That happened 3 weeks before Christmas. Needless to say, I guess we didn’t have a merry one that year.
The fact that my parents were preoccupied with my little brother left an open sore for the rest of us. There was not much attention available for us older children. In reflecting back, I can understand that, as a result of this tragedy, I took on some of my mother’s guilt for the accident which created the heart wall in me. The heart wall was built from glass. Also, it made me vulnerable to the abuse of my older brother.
It wasn’t until I watched the video about the little boy (HappyPeppy), that I remembered the dream I had many years ago where I was sitting in the glass house. It took me 70 years to unload this burden from my heart which made me think that I was not good enough, unworthy, and unlovable, isolating myself from others. Thanks to the Emotion Code and Dr. Nelson’s work, I feel liberated. Because of my own understanding of the past, I decided to study the Emotion Code more deeply. I even got certified at a seminar in Salt Lake City in June of this year.
The benefit of the removal of the heart wall became quickly apparent in my relationships with others. I felt freer to talk and approach others, being able to look them in the eyes or exchange hugs. One friend mentioned to me that I looked more peaceful.
My older brother went to the spiritual world 2 years ago. I wasn’t able to talk to him personally before he died, as he suffered from dementia. I was able to liberate him through other channels and have forgiven him based on my recent discoveries. The greatest breakthrough I had was with my son, Jason. He would open up to me emotionally and share his heart. I realized that he had inherited some of my emotional shortcomings. We shared many experiences from his early childhood, and he can look at his life with more clarity.
The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson is available as a book, as well as featured on many podcasts through Youtube. The information is available to anybody interested in releasing trapped emotions, as well as exploring energy medicine in general. I am more than happy to demonstrate a release session or answer any question for anybody who is interested. You can contact me through my email, at jutta.tobkin@gmail.com.
In HerTribe, we are creating spaces where women can experience personal breakthroughs in self- love, healing, and confidence. If you would like to learn more and join one of our uplifting communities, check out HerTribe here: https://www.wfwp.us/hertribe