Reclaiming the Lover Within: How Rediscovering Joy Can Refill a Woman’s Heart with Love Again

Written by: Romina Toska

“Life is like running a marathon without knowing when it will end. A truly successful life is not powered by money, position or authority; it is powered by true love… Love is why we are here, how we should live, and where we are going.” — Dr. Hak Ja Han Moon

These words mean so much to me; my heart is comforted with their depth and at the same time with the simple and great truth they carry.

When I reflect on my own life, I realize that love, especially the simple joy of loving life, has always been one of my strongest inner forces. I find happiness in small things: the warmth of the sun, the beauty of nature, playing sports—even when I’m not good at them, trying on clothes just for fun, enjoying a quiet coffee alone, watching a good movie, or simply reflecting on God’s love. I am inspired by motherhood, my marriage, the path that brought me here, and the women in my lineage, especially my grandmother.

In many ways, this connects me with what author Barbara McNally describes as the Lover archetype in her book, Four Faces of Femininity: Heroic Women Throughout History. The “Lover” is not only about romance or passion; it is about loving life itself, people, experiences, creativity, and even ourselves. The things we love awaken the energy that moves us to live fully.

But life doesn’t always make space for that easily.

For much of my teens and twenties, I was constantly moving, chasing goals, accomplishing things, growing through activity and momentum. Somewhere along the way, the joyful part of me—the playful, life-loving side—often felt like something that needed to be quieted. I believed that if I let that part run free, it might distract me from becoming my best self or accomplishing everything I needed to. And yet, I also see how many of us struggle with the opposite extreme: when passion and pleasure take over completely, and responsibilities begin to feel like burdens. Learning to hold both joy and responsibility together is part of the journey.

When I became a mother, life slowed down dramatically. My days began revolving around caring for my young children, meeting their needs, and adjusting to the rhythms of pregnancy, postpartum, and family life. While I adored those sweet faces, the smiles, and even the tears and chaos, at times I felt isolated, or as though I had stopped growing.

There was also a deeper moment of questioning in my life after losing my first baby late in pregnancy. Along with the grief came an unexpected question: Was I still allowed to be joyful? I had seen women in my childhood who, after loss, seemed to carry sadness as their permanent identity. I wondered if joy and playfulness still had a place in my life.

Over time, something beautiful began to happen. Through my involvement with the Women's Federation for World Peace, through conversations with women of many generations, through reading the words of Mother Han, and through the gift of community, I began to understand something new about love: the lover within me had never disappeared.She was simply waiting to be nourished again.

When I allow myself to enjoy life, to notice beauty, to laugh, connect, and pursue things that bring genuine joy, I find that my heart becomes full again. And from that fullness, it becomes much easier to give to others, especially in this season of motherhood.

Mother Han once spoke about women who give love wholeheartedly, explaining that when a woman gives fully, God’s love fills the space left behind and replenishes her. I have come to feel that truth deeply. When I care for the lover within me, when I honor the small joys and the gratitude in everyday life, my cup is filled again by Heavenly Mother’s love.

And when my cup is full, loving my family, my children, and the people around me becomes not a burden, but a joy.

Perhaps the lover within each of us is waiting for the same thing: permission to live fully, to love life again, and to trust that when we give from a sincere heart, heaven will replenish us.

In HerTribe, we are creating spaces where women can rediscover that part of themselves, the part that loves deeply, lives sincerely, and finds strength in community. May we continue encouraging one another to let that love grow and flourish. 

If you would like to join our online community and explore the long lost lover within, sign up for our March HerTribe Online, taking place from 8:30 - 10PM EDT on March 18th. Sign up HERE!