SELF-CARE ISN’T SELFISH : Fierce Intimacy, Part 2

Presenter: Kendra Stein

Kendra Stein presented “Fierce Intimacy, Part 2,” drawing on principles from Fierce Intimacy by Terry Real. She opened with a powerful premise:

“What is required for healthy intimacy is that we begin by transforming ourselves.”

To reinforce this concept, Kendra shared the phrase “Into Me You See” as a memorable reminder that genuine intimacy starts with self-awareness and personal responsibility.

While the book focuses primarily on married couples, Kendra emphasized that these principles apply to all relationships — including parent-child dynamics, siblings, friendships, and professional connections.

Five Strategies for Healthier Relationships

1. Who Is Right? Who Cares.

Healthy relationships are not built on winning arguments. Focusing on being “right” often damages connection. The goal is not victory — it is understanding and closeness.

2. Shift from Control to Self-Reflection

Attempts to control others reflect short-term thinking. Instead of focusing on changing the other person, we are invited to ask:

• What is behind my reaction?

• What am I feeling or needing in this moment?

Lasting change begins with self-examination.

3. Practice “Trend Talk”

Avoid triggering language such as “always” and “never,” and steer clear of the “barfbag approach” — emotionally dumping without reflection. Before speaking, consider:

• Is what I’m about to say kind?

• Is it respectful?

• Will it bring us closer together?

Intentional communication fosters safety and connection.

4. Avoid Offending from the Victim Position

When hurt, respond without anger or accusation. A simple statement such as:

“Ouch, that hurt.”

creates space for repair rather than escalation.

5. Healthy Withdrawal

Taking a break can be constructive when done intentionally. Instead of shutting down, try:

“I need to take a break because I’m feeling overwhelmed. Let’s talk again in an hour.”

This allows time to reset while maintaining commitment to the relationship.

Participant Reflections

The presentation was followed by a lively discussion and Q&A session. Participants shared personal experiences and practical applications of the strategies discussed. Many expressed feeling empowered and equipped with new tools to strengthen their relationships.

The overarching takeaway: meaningful intimacy requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to growth — beginning with ourselves.